Tweets and Text From Literature's Great Characters

What if Ahab were tweeting? Or Nancy Drew sending texts? Or Scarlett O'Hara texting Ashley?
What if great literary characters had smartphones! The new book Texts from Jane Eyre by Mallory Ortberg is a novel built around the conceit of great literary characters texting and tweeting.

Here's a funny example from the book posted on the National Public Radio (NPR) website:

Gone with the Wind

Scarlett O'Hara:
ashley
ashley
ashley
ashley r u there
ashleyyyyyyyy
(i'm DRUNK (from brandy))
remember that time
we made out in the barn

Ashley Wilkes:
Scarlett, it's four in the morning and I have to
get up in two hours to run your mill
Please don't text me this late

Scarlett O'Hara:
oh i sold the mill
haha
did i not tell you that

Ashley Wilkes:
Oh my God.

Scarlett O'Hara:
did you know that pantalets are out this year
that's why im not wearing any :)

Ashley Wilkes:
OH MY GOD

Texts from Jane Eyre also plays with many other characters from the Western canon, including Sherlock and Watson, Captain Ahab and Ishmael, and Nancy Drew and Ned.

Check out Ortberg's website The Toast, which she co-founded with Nicole Cliffe, for more literary satire.
And take a look at NPR's story on Ortberg.

Now choose a character and let me know what he or she would tweet or text?

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